I’ve devised a few simple rules that saved me from scammers.
I’m an autistic man. A lot of us, myself included, are people pleasers. This can be a boon, but it can also be a curse. It is a boon in that it can make relationships fabulous. However, that’s assuming the relationship is not abusive. If it is abusive, then people pleasing becomes a curse, because it feeds the cycle of abuse. Scams are inherently abusive.
This can be a problem.
Except that autistic people also like to have rules governing their behavior. With this in mind, it is possible to establish rules that help us, autistic or not, to avoid being scammed. Here is my first rule:
I never ever send money to someone I have not physically met.
The amount of money does not matter. I won’t send five bucks any more than a thousand dollars. I’ll note here that sending gift cards amount to the same as sending money.
This rule is a minimum. What I mean here is that this rule does not entail that once we’ve met, I open up my wallet for their demands. It will take whatever time it takes for me to open up my wallet. However, we have to first meet before I consider any money transfer.
This one rule has saved me from countless scams. At some point, I ran into a spate of girls who’d set up a date with me. Then, on the morning of the date, they’d complain about not having gas money. That’s where the scam unraveled. Nobody could help them but me. Of course! They quickly lost interest once they saw that I would not be cowed into sending them money.
Another rule of mine is:
I don’t generally date people who are too far from me.
I wouldn’t say that I never date them, but in general I pass on them. Most of them are scammers, and this is detectable through other features of their profile. Some of them are not scammers, but they don’t know what they want, and don’t have an actual plan for meeting with you. I’ve sometimes matched with such folks, but it’s never led to a fruitful relationship.
I have dated people who were “too far” from me. There’s my ex-wife, and someone I found on Discord. These were both special cases. We became acquainted first, and then we dated, and not the other way around.
I wrote this article in reaction to this CBS News piece:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/romance-scams-illinois-woman-mother-missing-investigation
Given that the scammer in this story does not even exist, the victim could not have met him physically. Going by my first rule, this means that no money would have been sent to the scammer. I would probably have passed on such a person in the first place because of my second rule, but even if I did take a chance, my first rule would have ended the deal fast.
There are more rules that govern my dating, but these are the two most important rules that I use. They’ve saved me from heartache many times.
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