What being neurodivergent and queer has taught me about this question.
There is frank talk about sex in what follows here, including masochism. In my view, it is light talk, but reader beware.
From time to time I see claims that meditation is indeed more pleasurable than sex.
Wow!
Let’s reach for the meditation cushion to have a cosmic orgasm, right?
Hold off for a second.
It is possible that, for some people, meditation is more pleasurable than sex. It does not follow from this that meditation is more pleasurable than sex, for everyone, generally speaking. I’m going to explain why I don’t believe that this claim applies in the general sense.
I have good reasons for saying this, I’ve practiced Zen meditation for over 28 years now. I’ve never had a “cosmic orgasm,” or any “out of this world” experience in meditation. Have I grown in my meditation practice? Yes, I have. However, I do not cultivate any extraordinary experiences in meditation. My practice is all about unlearning.
Now, I also enjoy sex. Guess what? I do hold that sex is more pleasurable than meditation. Am I contradicting those who hold that meditation is more pleasurable than sex? Not necessarily. If they hold that everyone performing meditation will find it more pleasurable than sex, then yes, I’m contradicting them. However, if the claim is that they find meditation more pleasurable than sex, then their claim is compatible with my experience.
So, how does being neurodivergent and queer allow me to harmonize my claim with theirs? We neurodivergent people are well aware that people do not all perceive the world in the same way. Our experiences may seem to entail contradictory claims, and still not actually be contradictory. My experience with famotidine is a case in point. It made me depressed, which is an extremely rare side effect. The fact that a lot of people take the medicine without experiencing this does not negate my own experience.
Add to this the fact that people’s experience of sex can differ wildly. I’m sex-positive. Some people are sex-neutral or sex-negative. For someone who is grossed out by sex, I’ll bet that a lot of things are better than sex, including, maybe, meditation. However, their experience with meditation does not negate my own.
Even more confounding. Some people are masochists. Some masochists can reach orgasm from pain alone. Again, this is their experience, and their experience does not negate that of the majority of the population, including my own. I definitely do not get orgasms from pain. I hate pain. I don’t want it.
Let me ask you this. Is it better to find meditation more pleasurable than sex and pursue meditation because of this? Or is it better to find sex more pleasurable than meditation and yet persist in one’s meditation practice? Which of the two is likely to be a crass pursuit of pleasure for pleasure’s sake?
In my book, meditation is not more pleasurable than sex. If my meditation turned out to be more pleasurable than sex, then my technique would be one that promotes extraordinary experiences, and my meditation would not be meditation, but something akin to the practice of tennis.
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