Gift Giving: A Minefield

I’m both a bad giver and a bad receiver of gifts, according to society, at any rate.

Gift giving is a minefield for most autistic folks. It definitely is one for me. Since Valentine’s Day is upon us, here’s a reflection on why most options are terrible. In no specific order,

1. Money? I was taught that giving money is rather gauche. I have to agree. You can discharge yourself of a gift obligation by giving money to anyone. It does not show much thought about the recipient of the gift. I’d rather not give money.
   
2. Greeting cards? A lot of them talk about forever love, and I have trouble with the word forever. This was true even when I was with my ex-wife. I sometimes bought cards containing the word. I had to editorialize when I gave my card. However, I prefer to skip cards altogether.
   
   As you probably guessed, the cards’ declarations of forever love to my ex-wife did not pan out. We’re now divorced. *Cough*
   
3. Flowers? Yay, let’s kill plants for our pleasure!
   
4. Fashion (like jewelry, clothing, accessories, etc.)? I need to know what size the gift recipient wears, for one thing. Moreover, my sense of style isn’t great. So, no.
   
5. Gadgets? Oof! Welcome to landmine central. If you get me a gadget, chances are that you are going to miss. I am likely to know more than you about those gadgets that I’d like to own. Moreover, if you get me a gadget, I’m going to compare it to similar gadgets I already have, and to similar gadgets I might want to own. I’ll most likely find the gadget you got me to be lacking. This is a losing proposition for you.
   
   Conversely, imagine people I’d give a gadget to doing the same thing as I described above. They’ll find the gadget I got them to be lacking in some way. Note that it does not matter if they actually do this or not. I become an anxious mess. Did I pick up the optimal gift? Most likely not. This is a losing proposition for me.
   
   Of course, it is considered gauche to tell the person who wishes to give you a gift what exactly they should get. However, I’ve sometimes resorted to this stratagem.
   
6. Food? This is the best option of the bunch. Food is ephemeral. If the gift is lacking, the recipient at least won’t be stuck with it for long.

A great part of the problem with gift giving are all the societal expectations that shape the practice. If you do not conform to those societal expectations, well, good luck not getting flack.

My boyfriend and I are keeping it simple this year. I got him some chocolate. We’re going to a restaurant. I know he has something for me, but he does not have it in hand yet. No biggie. I know society would look disapprovingly upon his tardiness, but society can take a hike.