I’m sorry to report that most parents fail horribly in this matter.
Recently, a trans kid was asking how to buy binders without their parents knowing about it. This request saddened me. No, not because the kid is trans. I am saddened because, as is usually the case with trans kids, the parents are not on board with their kid being trans.
Before we go any further, I’m pansexual, yes, but I’m not trans. My relationship with trans people is that of a friend, and, at times, a romantic partner. I’m sorry if I step on some toes in the trans community with this article. This is definitely not my aim. I’m just terribly angry at what I’m observing.
For those who don’t know, the binders I mentioned above are not those you put sheets of paper into. These binders are those you use when you want to flatten a chest. To speak more precisely, they are chest binders, but people say binders for short.
That a child would want to hide who they truly are from their parents boggles my mind. How can the very people who are supposed to love you unconditionally decide that revealing the fact that you are trans is one step too far? It is not a reflection of your parenting if your kid is trans. You did not fail. There is nothing you should reasonably have done differently to change the fact that your kid is trans.
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There is one thing that I can somewhat understand. Good parents want the best for their children. The revelation that your kid is trans will, no doubt, generate anxiety. How will the rest of the world relate to them? How will the rest of the world accept their existence? What medical procedures will your child have to undergo before they can live happily? I can see parents finding it initially difficult to compose with this, especially if they know next to nothing about being trans.
If you love your child unconditionally, however, you get over this initial anxiety quickly.
Alas, a lot of parents do not get over this initial anxiety quickly, if at all. I’m unhappy to report that most of my trans friends and lovers report having shitty parents. This is almost universal. I’ll admit, however, that I am perhaps suffering from observational bias. After all, when one has good parents, one does not feel the need to vent to friends. Still, what I am observing is truly alarming and disheartening.
What I’ve heard again and again from trans folks is that being trans is not a whim, or a phase. It is who they are. Yes, some people regret the fact that they took hormones or underwent surgery. Still, these are a minority, which does not reflect on the rest of the group.
Unfortunately, one day, the child who had to hide who they truly are from their parents will have to reveal to these same parents who they truly are. If the child feel the need now to hide their identity, you can bet those parents won’t be too thrilled at the news. For their part, the parents will have revealed that their love is far from being unconditional. This lack of support takes a toll on the mental health of the child.
Thus, the parents who think that being unsupportive will magically make their kid not trans are in fact making things much worse for their kid.
This lack of support is deadly.
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